If, well maybe...

 By Ada

If I was a normal girl, it would have been ok. If I wasn't an overachiever maybe I would dream of white right now. If I was complete, maybe I could give you my all without thinking I was losing myself. If I hadn't been near death, maybe I wouldn't value time and the fact that it doesn't come back. If I wouldn't be Miss Independent, I may have turned into a Ms. Dependent nobody wants. If I wouldn't want to excel, maybe I could sleep more than 7 hours at night. If I really didn't want to work for myself, well maybe I would be any other girl, missing that my mom would clean my clothes and my room. If I hadn't worked since I could, maybe I would have been expecting my allowance. If I didn't believe in God, well maybe I would be drinking out a bottle of wine I have to forget that I have $20 on the bank. If I didn't believe I can do it, well maybe I would have gave up all my dreams because they seem harder every day. If I didn't appreciate life, well maybe I would have gone to McDonalds or Burger King and had oversized a combo. If I didn't had self-esteem, well maybe I wouldn't have any problem becoming someone else. If I didn't have strength and a willingness to fight, well maybe I would have lived in silence, making others designs my own paths. If I didn't appreciate what I bad person is, well maybe you would have been any other person and it would be ok if I changed my mind. If I hadn't grown up so fast, well maybe I wouldn't be longing having my youth. If I didn't know better, I would think it was too late to change my fate. If I didn't love you, well maybe I would be wearing a mask letting you believe everything was ok. If I didn't appreciate the gifts of life, well maybe I would have a problem going on my own to the movies. If I didn't think I could do it, well maybe I would still be sitting in my room waiting for some help. If I didn't have any struggle, then I wouldn't appreciate what it is a good fight. If I hadn't being through what I've been through well simply I wouldn't be me.

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Finding a purpose

We live in a cycle. You grow up, graduate, study, graduate again and then if you like studying or you believe you want to compete with the "market", with the "others" you decide to study some more in order to secure a position. Yes, effects of capitalism and its effects on nerds. Not nerds like in a bad way, hello, I'm the proudest nerd there is. Some people have turned studying for fun, for knowledge into something boring and "out" of anything cool. That is wrong.

All of the sudden you find that a lot of people that may have mocked you at school (hopefully not everyone) are in serious situations that you don't get, because you love what you are doing. The magic word here is purpose. It may come by a magic wand, by the combination of your parents’ hard work on educating you or guiding you, it may come from deception and rebellious desires to overcome what you went through. In general, you just feel it. But the magic word for me that goes with purpose is the word doing. I've found myself totally happy in the middle of a road with a big tree, by focusing on it, finding that I'm busy but I have sensibility to that "other" thing in front of me. Is not just meat and bones, is energy. Some call it a vocation and I understand why they would label work you like doing like this word, but the root of that word is purpose. If you feel you are meant to do that, if you don't recognize it but you fall in love constantly with that action then you are blessed.

I don't know when it hit me. I guess it was when I was in a white room waiting for a heart surgeon. "That is odd!" so many people said, a heart operation at 8 years old. Same age Sarah Kofman’s family was taken away from her because of the Holocaust, poor child. That's not a heart operation but is heart ache. Speaking of averages an 8 year old with a scar in the middle of non visible boobs (for that time) was something strange. Then it stroke me like some weird lighting. I saw an angel and had the desire to tell it all. I wrote a lot being bored in that room all day for 9 days. And from there, I learned to rhyme. My dad and his rhyming games were good for me. I was fainting. I was tired, more tired than ever. It came again, I had to go to surgery again. Another chest scar. Another scar was coming.

I was happy. I felt what it was like to be loved and falled in love. Had my room full of photos of my "boo" like some people say. I was making love with poetry, because I found for partner a boy that loved letters and wrote. It was awesome. Then the age difference became a problem. Then too much love became dangerous. Then... it ended on another white room. This time the surgeon was replaced by the judge. Dating violence they say it was. Sometimes you question, was it your fault? Well, I feared heights and I wanted for as my High School graduation gift, a book. Not any book, my book. It was white again, white room, gray rain. It was fear. So much rain, it came like a déjà vú gone bad. What if I died on a 9th floor, next to the beach, so high in the sky. It was amazing. I started writing a poetry. The last sentences said: "My biggest sorrow comes for what I didn't say on time". There it was. My book. Lying down my biggest fears and sad thoughts. It came to me. Yeah, I can't deny it. When we are happy we write less, because we enjoy it so much we want to live it. Then when we are sad, we try to give the sadness wings by letting it go with each letter.

Anyway, from there I studied. I loved studying and I still love it. But I also liked teaching. In small ways, like saying excuse me, giving hugs, or telling English speakers "buen provecho" and it's meaning. Now time has passed. I have studied and am waiting for my graduation and diploma on the career that combined my passions, that was truthful to my purpose, that gave me ways to do things. The clock is ticking. Tick-tock. It's melody. It's a constant funeral of time for those who like me sometimes are addicted to the clock. I just hope people respect the nerds. I hope that people can see beyond our words and actions. It's a matter of being an "us", instead of a "me". Who gave me this? I think sometimes it was the fairies magi[k] wands. Maybe God, mostly God, but I'm done with blaming things on him like most people do.

So to finish this reflexion soup, filled with philosophy, communications and literature and testimonies. I wish I could get out of letters and fly onto your arms and hug anyone that reads this. We believe many times we are alone, and I guess the world would be better if people just hugged and said I love you more. If they knew what they loved and if they would follow that. One of this days, I'll report something. I will write news. I think I've been on the speech-teaching thing too long. :-) It’s just a thought.

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Ayudame a ganar por favor, help me win a prize please!

Hola a todos. Por este medio les pido que por favor me ayuden a ganar un premio. El premio sera a este blog, al website www.loquenodije.com a la novela, la iniciativa y todas las charlas que he dado con mucho esfuerzo para erradicar la violencia domestica. Hay una nominacion para Lo que no dije y de ganar todo el $$$ seria para ayudar a victimas y expandir este website, etc... lo unico que tienes que hacer para ayudarme es darle al link de abajo y darle 5 estrellitas. Si tienes algun comentario positivo favor dejarlo pero en ingles ya que es un website y una beca anglosajona. COmoquiera, te lo agradezco al igual que si le puedes dar foward. Esto no es para mi, sino para la causa. Espero que me ayudes y que ganemos para asi poderte ayudar mejor.
http://www.dosomething.org/node/42278

Hello everyone. Please PLEASE help me win a prize. The award will be for the book Lo que no dije, for this blog, for the website www.loquenodije.com and for all the conferences I've given on this topic as well as the hard work for eliminating domestic violence by dating violence prevention. All the money that I could win will be used for improving the services of the blog and to expand the project more. PLEASE HELP ME> THe only thing you have to do is enter the link below and grade it 5 stars. If you can foward this to your friends I'll appreciate it very much. Thanks for everything and please never be a victim of silence! This is not for me is for everyone.

http://www.dosomething.org/node/42278

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VA POEM

By: Ada M. Alvarez Conde

VETERANS AFFAIRS FAREWELL

V -Veterans are those who served The Nation

E - Everyday thanking that they made it back home

T- Thinking of those they were fighting for

E – Every child, every husband or wife, freedom

R- Reunited in experiences

A- Adjusting after a War

N- Now reunited in a

S- System dedicated to give back

A- An office that helps the people that

F- Fought for what they believed was right

F- Following the words of Abraham Lincoln

A- A promise kept is their guide

I- In their hands The Nations heroes

R- Reliable service a pioneer,

S - Service at its best

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Veterans Affairs - early farewell

I just want to write, just in case. This is my last week here in the VA and it has been an enourmosly (hope I spelled that correctly) great. I have met you by e-mail on in person and I can't go without saying coming here has changed my life and I feel my purpose of helping and my interest (psychology and communications) has been definetly adressed. Just in case, you haven't seen me, don't know me personally or anything, I'll send my other e-mail just in case you want to keep in contact. It has been my pleasure to know you. And will like to add a few things I wish you consider:

1) VA is super big, and I really think the purpose of helping the Veterans is amazing, but honestly I learned about the VA and felt empowered and inspired to work more, visiting the Medical Center. AS I always say, "don't let anyone tell you". You will never know the magnitude of the work you do if you don't hear all the stories, the walking books of memories if you don't ask them. Consider the fact that this people served and do not forget Women Veterans, Hispanics and their families (this includes thinking of distribution in both languages), families in general (even though I know and have heard about the amazing job the Vet Center do… it's not bad to think about that). Even if you believe I haven't been hanging around so much, I just know for a fact, that this can definetly go according to the promise that the country has done "remember "keeping the promise " and that Abraham Linconln saying that is VA's motto.

2) Consider bringing people that are in the communication field to help on the outreach. Consider those and writers to distribute information to patients and the newsletters. Consider different outreach, especially in pyshological aspects and mental health approaches.

3) Know that you are in the priviledge positions to help others. That you are definetly have the power to do something. That is not about how much we win in a job money wise, but how much you can help, being in the "public service", in a government agency and not any one, but the Second largest most important with soooooooo much patients (in the VHA) but also everything on Benefits and Burial Services too. Still I wish that everyday you go with a rested mind that you are doing something for the benefit of the people, and not any people but human beings that help this country at some point that has been risking (or risked) their lifes for others as well and made it back home.

Well I cannot go without thanking HACU (Hispanic Associations of Colleges and Universities), Steve Sloane (who interviewed me and gave me a chance to develop ideas and give to the VA what I knew about (just asking is super imp) cool supervisor!!!, Mark Brown, that let it happened and Al Batres that listened to for what I had to offer and reminded me (not that I've had any doubt) that Hispanics can do it!!! (and sorry if I sound to.. Hectic about it, but I'm very proud of my heritage, Cuban-Puerto Rican!) Bye See you later :-)

For any contact: alvarez.ada@gmail.com

My website for domestic violence prevention www.loquenodije.com on the end on the right in categories says English works

Personal one: for poems and stuff www.espacioblog.com/ada but the direct link to English works http://www.espacioblog.com/ada/categoria/poemas-ingles

And if by any chance you do not know who am I… :-) here's a brief info:

Hello everyone. You may have seen new faces around the Office and I would like you to know about the interns you’ve seen that we are having this Summer. One of them is Ada M. Alvarez; a 20 year old Puerto Rican. She’s finished her BA in Journalism but is staying in college to complete a minor in Gender Studies and a Thesis for her Honor Program. She wrote a book at 16 and published it last year becoming Puerto Rico’s youngest novelist. The book name is Lo que no dije (or “What I didn’t say” which she is translating). She has a website for it too (www.loquenodije.com) dedicated to the theme of the novel domestic violence, especially dating violence. She has given 38 conferences around Puerto Rico and in the last International Book Fest of Dominican Republic held in March. With the website she has impacted Spanish speakers and has made it a source of information, archive and counseling tool. Last fall Ms. Alvarez came to DC as an intern of The Washington Center and she worked in the Hispanic Press Office of now Speaker Nancy Pelosi. There she campaigned, translated, did news reports and articles and served as photo journalist. Her interest are global communications (she also studies Arabic and French), literature, arts and helping people. She plans to apply to the MA/PhD program at American University on International Communications to become a Professor and work in Public Service. She has started a non-profit called MVTPR-Muévete Puerto Rico (Move Puerto Rico) and in the Fall she’ll know hopefully for the VA in San Juan thanks to Mr. Eguino from PR to help in outreach. She has translated different educational materials, was anchor of the VA News last week, is finishing 3 articles a)domestic violence b)women veterans and c)an "intern experience" new VA. She made the Back Home brochure (both languages) that will go Nationally and just finished making a radio adress in Spanish on how to apply for disability compensation from VA. Also she managed to go to different conferences and trainings and is enthusiastic about going back to school to work on her thesis "The psycho-social aspects of communications and journalism" and hopes this helps the VA as well.

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Speech I'll give on the closing ceremony of my internship

Then and now
By: Ada M. Álvarez Conde

On August the 30th of this year, I arrived to the Ronald Reagan National Airport in DC. I remember being with my heavy luggage waiting for a bus that took me to what became my new home. I consider myself a planner, but that day, the uncertain and the unplanned, took over my life and I had no choice than to embrace it; because I’ve realized that we all fear something. Brave people are not fearless people. Brave people are the ones that know and feel fear but still decide to go on. I decided to face my fears, and I think leaders should be brave. I know all of you faced your fears also, and that is why we are here, in this room, today.

I still keep from the first event The Washington Center hosted a piece of paper with my definitions on civic engagement and leadership. I wrote that both looked for unselfish acts and unselfish wishes, because we are part of something greater and those leaders were responsible and disciplined on that task of serving others. I feel that is true, but I have a wider view on both.

After being 3 months and a half in another country, somewhat alone; serving the Hispanic Community I belong to by working as an intern in the Hispanic Press Office of Nancy Pelosi, and by being a volunteer English teacher in Alexandria Virginia for them; after attending Monday Programming, activities of different topics to become a more educated and better person; after making a portfolio with a summary of all of I learned and attended, including a project to better the welfare of Puerto Rico I have embraced a whole new view of life and a more defined sense of purpose.

After all I have realized that life is indeed a gift and those that find happiness are those that learn how to unwrap it. People should have the right of finding the tools to be happy, to find love, to be free. That is social justice, which needs integrity. We came here to realize that after all we need to know our I’s and me’s but we need to focus on the us. As they say, there is no I in team. We are here, The Washington Center, as a team. The whole world is a team and I believe that when you acknowledge that and work for that team your civic engaged.

My new definition of a leader is resumed in a sentence. As a women survival of three open heart operations, being near death, as a writer I say that the word leadership is a verb not a noun. It is an action, not exclusively a role. It is linked to civic engagement, when the goal is to work for a better tomorrow. A better you, better we, better us. Also leaders (not only journalist or writers like me) know the power of words, of communication and for change, inaction equals silence.

I’ve seen in my group lot’s of leaders, that acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, being brave, disciplined, responsible, committed, engaged. I hope we don’t forget this as we grow up, these memories. I belief the greatest teacher is example, and I hope you have seen me, my whole group as a good one. We dedicate this effort to the world, to our families, of our country. We are more than happy that we came here not only for ourselves, but to represent Puerto Rico. Thank you for trusting us and our future paths, and I expect that this unity and respect of different cultures, backgrounds, religions, even majors, are an example and become the best example of a more peaceful world.

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